193/365: Heartbeat



There is nothing quite like it—the cold squish of gel and then the roll of the probe, a deeply muffled thud or two of your own heart echoing, and then suddenly the earnest, unconscious jackrabbit sound of a heartbeat that isn’t your own but is still somewhere inside you.

It’s like a double shot of espresso. I can’t stop smiling.

Who is this little person? I’m so curious to see. I’ve felt the first kicks already, soft as the flick of a butterfly wing and just as surprising. The due date is in September, so we’re just coming out the first trimester misery—a season of sleepiness and up-chucking and what-the-heck-were-we-thinking. It passes.

Iris is fascinated by my belly, but mostly just because she loves the feel of skin, and an ever-increasing expanse of it is pretty thrilling stuff. She likes to pull my shirt up and lay her head against my belly, fall asleep at nap time with her hand pressed warm against it.

I hope they like each other.

18 months apart is sort of a daunting concept, I admit. We are not always sure we can imagine life with two pre-verbal goombas in diapers, and in my weeks of 24/7 nausea I did not always enjoy the sorts of comments one gets with closely spaced pairs. (“You do know where babies come from?” my step-MIL asked with her usual sensitivity, and our pediatrician—who has two different sets of 18 month-apart kids—told me that the first 15 years were hard, but after that it’s been great).

Yes, but if we waited we would not have this baby.

And I already can’t imagine life without this one.


6 thoughts on “193/365: Heartbeat

  1. Congratulations! I stumbled upon your blog about a year ago, and spent a couple of hours pouring over your archives. I really enjoy your writing style and look forward to reading your first published novel. I’ve only lurked until now, but I thought I’d come out of obscurity for this one. I wish you all the best with your new little one!

    • Thank you so much! I’m always glad to meet lurkers. 🙂 I wish I had more time and energy to put into my writing these days, but I know the infancy stage will be brief for our little fam. Am just trying to enjoy every stage of the journey as much as I can. Do you write too??

  2. Yes! Exactly. I so often think about that. If the timing had been different, it would not have been THIS baby. And you know what I think about 18 months apart? I think you’re going to have kids who are best friends. They are going to be close enough in age to like the same jokes and games and read-aloud books. Your kids will very often fall into the same age levels for things like swim lessons and enrichment classes, so they won’t always have to face strange, new situations alone. If you wind up homeschooling, you can do a lot of the same stuff. In fact, you could probably do more than half of your subjects on the exact same level and have everything be fine. Science, social studies, foreign language, art, music, literature, probably everything but math and maybe the initial learning to read and write. Congratulations, you just made parenting easier on yourself.

  3. Andrea has a LOT of good points up there. And nobody ever was astoundingly admirable after having an easy life anyhow. You’ll be wonderful and so will they!!!

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