Pretty much anything Beyonce does I can do. Have a cute baby? Check. Marry a creative genius? For sure. Born September 4th? I was born the THIRD.
So it should come as no great surprise that I’m also about to drop an album, inspired by the transformative journey of motherhood.
Most of them are covers.
All of them are about poop.
You’ll have to wait for the full track list, but just to whet the appetite I’ll tell you about my favorites. We open with a brassy rendition of The Exciter’s 1960s hit “Scrub It (I Know Something about Poop).” This song touches on the complexities of laundry when poop is involved (“if you want it to be/ nice and white again/ make you want to wear/ here’s the thing to do/ scrub it like/ you never gonna stop it”).
The second track is a tribute to early 90s rap with “Baby Got Poop.” This update retains all of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s original ohs and uhs with the additional sound of diapers being unsnapped. The opener really does say it all: “I like big diapers and I cannot lie.”
You other mothers can’t deny, non?
You’ll have to pre-order to get a sneak at the rest of the album, and while I don’t like to brag, I might just tell you that Iris seems to enjoy my singing quite a lot. I get the best smiles out of her on the changing table these days, huge gummy grins of overwhelming cuteness. Naturally I take this as a high compliment to my musical powers and redouble my creative output (she has also redoubled her output, but that’s another story).
But just so you don’t think we’re stuck in the past or overly upbeat, my very favorite number is actually a Coldplay cover, the intriguingly-titled “Yellow.”
This haunting lullaby follows the singer’s angst (“and so you took your bum/ oh what a thing to have done/ it was all yellow”) over the inevitabilities of life and the sacrifices love entails (“for you I milk myself dry”), eventually ending with the redemptive (“you know I love you so much”).
Iris likes it.
Though I imagine her reaction will be a bit different when she actually starts getting the lyrics.