In addition to crying from 9-11:30 every night, waking up starving at 3am, and throwing a fit before naps, Iris has decided to start her days at 6am.

I’m so tired I blanked when someone asked me my name. I make up new syntax and words. Carl informs me that my driving isn’t exactly up to par.

I briefly considered storming out all huffy (which my autocorrect, by the way, insists should be spelled “Judy”) this morning, but the drama of the thing gets kind of lost when you have to set up breakfast first. I mean, you can’t leave an invalid hungry. How rude. And you certainly can’t leave anywhere without a carefully packed diaper bag. How foolish.

Zero storming for me.

I don’t even know who I’m trying to show. You can’t really be mad at babies and invalids. I guess I’m just pissed at the world.

I need a bagel.

I need a bagel from Panera. If only, perhaps, because I need at least one goal today that I can actually achieve. Also I need carbs.

Now… If only I can remember how to get there.


7 thoughts on “OMG

  1. I know you can’t always see it in the haze, but you are doing a good and beautiful thing taking care of two people who need so much in the way of care right now. When I think about what a lot of parenting books would say to do with a baby who’s having such a hard time as Iris is, it breaks my heart, and I’m just so impressed by the way you are parenting her instead. She can’t thank you now, but I really believe that you are laying an incredible foundation of trust for her. SOMETHING is making her cry. You don’t know what it is, but you are there. The little synapses are firing in her brain that the world is not a harsh and lonely place, that when she hurts, there is love.

    Anyway, I hope you got your bagel.

    • This is SO much better than a bagel. Thank you for the encouraging words, Andrea. I’m not sure how much this is colored by my own experiences with insomnia, but I think her crying is from exhaustion/frustration. Instead of trying to get her to bed early last night, we let her just hang out with us until she was drowsy (10:45). She nursed and went to sleep without a fuss… And then woke up 10 minutes later crying. This cycle (snuggle/sleep/scream) repeated for an hour and a half until she got so worked up she cried for half an hour. THEN she calmed down and finally slept. This happens whether I lay her in the crib, hold her, have her in my bed next to me. Doesn’t matter. I don’t know what’s waking her up, but if it wasn’t for that she’d be fine.

      I want going to sleep to have good associations for her, so I try to snuggle her until she’s chill, lay her down, and stay with her until she drifts off. On a good cycle, the whole thing only takes 10-15 minutes.

      If she could just stay asleep!

  2. Yeah, taking care of two people at once is just too much. You are doing a great job and you so deserve your Panera bagel (and maybe even a chocolate muffin, a chocolate croissant, a peanut butter cookie and a big cafe latte!).

  3. You know Panera is where I go when parenting has me by the throat. 🙂 You introduced me, I believe.

    Sounds like she’s got you on a pretty grueling rotation for sure but I love the sympathy you have for her too. Babies aren’t out to destroy the lives of their parents. They’re just trying to figure the world out and they are often at least as frustrated as you are. Maybe your own insomnia was the very best parenting prep possible.

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