I Do Hereby Resolve

Is it too late to still say “Happy New Year”?

I’m starting the year a bit slow—thanks to the slip-slid clerical nature of Carl’s weekends, today was actually his first day back and, consequently, my first day of rambling around the abode alone and unscheduled.

Always a bad idea.

I meant to start this post when I first settled to the computer this morning at a quarter to eleven—when I could have more legitimately drawn your attention to the strawberry banana smoothie I made myself for breakfast (with unsweetened Greek yogurt, so I mean it’s still fair for me to crow about that, right?)—but then I stopped to delete like 68 emails from Freecycle, and then the M put up a bunch of Christmas pictures on Facebook that really needed my attention, and then I had to check Carlie’s blog, and then it occurred to me how very anemic and shabby my own blog was looking these days.

Ok, and then I got into a minor Facebook scrap, which called for the thoughtful eating of a peanut butter and jam sandwich and a good old cleaning jag. Sandwiches and a clean house lead to solid logic and clear thinking, right?

Maybe, maybe not.

I checked back half a dozen times to make my point between cleaning and eating and… um… sigh. One should not begin the New Year by lying. Pretty much all I do is eat and sleep now with short bursts of reading and cleansing (both myself and surroundings). That’s about it.

Creativity? Nah.

Crossing things of my list? Well, I guess I could. Crossing things off isn’t the problem. It’s the doing part that gets me.

I mean, why would anyone ever want to do anything besides lie around eating sandwiches with her shirt pushed up over her belly and free hand in place to feel that lovely and (let’s admit) kind of creepy sensation of little knees squirming and shoulders turning and feet trying so very unsuccessfully to stretch somewhere under her own skin.

I know. This is me buying my one-way ticket to Boringsville.

I guess it just happens. Either you go all Earth Mother with the circle of life schtick or you get all soppy with the Madonna & Child thing or you go all SuperMom with the extreme rightness and wrongness of every parental decision… or you just get immobilized by the whole deal and mush down into a puddle of adoring and slightly anxious energy focused 100% inward. Whatever route you take, you WILL end up being just about as one-track and boring as you (secretly or otherwise) thought all pregnant women were.

Dang karma.

Although in my more Madonna & Child moments, I’ve started writing some scrapbook verbage for le babe, so while I’m boring the rest of my acquaintances to tears and fast out-clicks at least there is some sort of progress in the world.

Speaking of progress, I have actually compiled my tentative list of goals for 2012, and in the spirit of sharing what remains of the New Year’s glow I give them to you now:

Goals for 2012

Career Related:

  • Finish the murder mystery
  • Continue writing for the nonprofit
  • Research other possible freelance markets for articles (try selling a few?)
  • Read 20+ books

Home Related:

  • Finish the nursery
  • Put up a series of black and white photos in the kitchen
  • Organize the laundry room storage
  • Make the study more user-friendly (make a second project workspace, fix cold issues, find appropriate storage for books, etc)
  • Plan out and replant the back garden beds (can wait for the veggie patch)
  • Paint the bathroom
  • Clean off the cobwebs, etc, from the exterior of the house
  • Get the basement finished (crossing my fingers on this since it has nothing to do with our abilities and everything to do with financial prioritization. As in, if our car doesn’t break down and we stop finding other, more immediate problems, we might be able to get this project done in the next year)

Baby Related:

  • Clock 10 months experience in learning how to take care of a small person without losing my mind. Or self, I suppose
  • Invest in my friendships with other young moms (MOPS? More frequent emails or phone calls? Formal play groups? To be determined…)
  • Prepare a trust and guardianship papers to provide for the baby in case of untimely demise in 2012
  • Find a dependable babysitter and a good pediatrician

Personal:

  • Find, create, or gatecrash a small group that meets regularly and provides support for not only the spiritual side of my life but the creative, career, and relational parts as well. Community is necessary
  • Make space and time for all aspects of my own recovery after the baby’s birth
  • Get back into the habit of using monthly and daily lists to promote productivity. I’m sure they don’t work for everybody, but lists have always been my friend…
  • Enjoy the year, the baby, the life, and the process

I noticed as I copied this over that the personal list is a bit thin. I’m sure there are other things I’d like to do or try, but I guess it’s not a bad year to take it slow and cut myself some slack and all those other helpful clichés that support my decision to roost on the couch for several hours a day. If I can reach December of 2012 with a house I like coming home to, a baby I haven’t irreparably messed up, and a marriage that’s still happy then I think I’m going to call it a success.

Although there is a certain amount of writerly scheming in my brain that I usually pretend to ignore.

We’ll have to wait to see how that all pans out.

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4 thoughts on “I Do Hereby Resolve

  1. Just love your new picture in the header!
    May this year be a really good one for you and Karl. Enjoy your baby and just give your list a casual look every now and again to see if there is something you really must or want to do. Otherwise just give yourself a break. Babies grow big soooo quickly!

  2. Yay! I love the new blog look. And I totally agree with the lovely Frau Jaeschke on your header pic.

    And while lamenting how boring you’ve become, you totally forgot all the people you know who have been pregnant. Women who have been pregnant know exactly how you feel, that odd introspection, that cozy huddling-up and escaping from the world that feels necessary and yet surprising, and we all nod and chuckle when you describe it so well. So, while you (possibly) bore one segment of the population, you hold up a nice, quirky mirror for another.

  3. Your header rocks! Beautiful! And speaking of zen…..

    You will never be boring. I won’t let you. 🙂 Mommyhood has no more to do with boredom than marriage does or adulthood does or graduation or a “real job” all of which CAN provide excuses for people to get lazy and stagnant but I repeat, I won’t allow it! Huzzah!

    • Aw, thanks! And solid point, my friend. Life really is what you make it, and nothing is boring unless you let it be. I think I’m going to like being a mom in the same generation with you. 🙂

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