For work, Carl often has the unenviable job of making people look good. He came home looking a little worse the wear on Tuesday or Wednesday after trying to edit together a promo video for a speaker with clips from his “Manly Man’s Conference.”
His what? I asked politely.
He assured me that was the real title of the conference and made the usual lament that the speakers all had “annoying voices,” (a typically Carl complaint. I guess when you have to listen to voices over and over and OVER again when you’re trying to get the cut right you get pretty sensitive to them. “What if I had had an annoying voice?” I said once, early in our dating career, trying to make the point that it’s really not that important in the grand scheme of things. “Then we wouldn’t have dated,” he said. Touche. I guess it IS that important).
And, apparently the speakers looked like Wallace Shawn (Vizzini, for you Princess Bride fans) and a rapist.
A what? I asked politely.
A serial rapist. Not somebody you would want for a neighbor.
Well, at this point you know I had to see the conference promos, and you can too if you go to You Tube and punch in “manly man conference.” (And, yes, I think you have to punch it in. I don’t think these guys would ever do anything so wussy as type). Warning: Carl did not have anything to do with the conference promos, so if your retinas get scarred from the special effects, you’ll have to file a claims with the Manly Men.
We watched in attempted silence, which didn’t last long for either of us.
Carl: “WHO does this appeal to?”
Me: “I don’t know, but I’m excited that ‘what makes a man a man is his ability to keep his word.’ Clearly I would be walking a dangerous transvestite line if I should ever, you know, ‘keep my word’ or ‘be responsible.'”
I went to the web site today and was informed in excitedly bold font that participants get to CELEBRATE BEING A MAN, which means (not kidding) “No singing. No crying. No holding of hands.”
There you go.
Because what the church really needs today is a whole raft of conferences designed to teach people exactly how to shoot themselves in the foot.
One more for the files.